It's funny... I've spent most of the day talking to someone I haven't seen in forever but she was always keeping tabs on me. It's good to know friends like that still exist, even if they are hundreds or thousands of miles away.
We talked about us, mainly... Walls, Barriers and just keeping people at arms length was a main point of conversation. Me and Sarah were both guilty of this. I more then she was in some ways. During a heavy part of my existance, I let no one in. In fact, I was pretty ruthless in my dealings with other people. I may have been a great fighter, a damn good street reader but I was an empty shell. I was weak. I didn't let people in at all. I was pushing people away and belittle them on what I though was a weakness but in fact was a great strength. I was pretty horrible. All because I was scared to get hurt again. I didn't want to go through all that horrible drama and the nightmares... but, I learned something at the end of that journey of building that wall around my heart. There is nothing at the end of that road. Nothing at all. Just sorrow. So I took a Uturn and now I'm just transversing the road less traveled. I just wish I knew that before I let most of life pass me by...
My day of destiny is on Tuesday. I'll be getting my left eye operated on and hopefully, it won't be too painful. Worried? Yeah, it's been bothering me. But I learned something awhile back after being sad over someone who kept pushing me away and stopped talking to me. You are in control of your own destiny and everything that is tied to that destiny(exluding other people, of course). If you feel like life is heading to hell, take a detour though Sunny happy land and fix it. 90% of what you feel emotionally can be repaired with time, or love and doesn't need to hurt so much. It's our own mortal trivial thinking that makes it hurt so much.
Well, life is good. I'm signing off.
Kensei
